Arun, Ammu & Nikki left for Doha on Sunday morning. Nikki leaves behind a vacuum which we find difficult to fill. From 10th of Feb, we enjoyed her presence. Everyday we had something to look forward to-her antics, her cooings, her gurglings and her innocent smiles that lit up our otherwise drab days; we always looked forward to cuddle her and smother her with kisses which she seemed to enjoy; but all good things will end one day and in Nikki's case wasn't any exception. It was time for her young parents to leave with her to their places of work; we can't hold them back for our selfish reasons. We experienced pangs of these painful separations when Ammu and Krishna were small, but then that's life;that's how grandparents learn to bear the grief deep within when their children with their offsprings fly away at the end of their brief annual leave. After several years, at our ripe old age when we are no longer as strong and independendant as we are now, when our grand children will just have enough time to give us a hug or a wave or maybe a kiss these thoughts will brighten and cheer us up. Some of us may not even be in a position to think or focus our thoughts or recognize the very same grandchildren whom we had lavishly kissed and held close to our heart. Still, somewhere in some dark corner of a dysfunctional mind a feeling might originate-a feeling of warmth, a surge of affection for that tiny bundle of joy our grandchild was who with a toothless smile gladdened our hearts.

We will miss Nikki now and after a couple of months Ammu and Kichu (Krishna), who will go back to London to join their dad. One of the several ways to pursue the path of God as advised by Lord Krishna in Gita is to have a firm hold on your mind and for that develop detachment as not only a logical first step but a more practical and surer trail to follow. Now at this stage I cannot think of any other better way to console myself from the desolation I may experience in their absence and to reduce the intensity of my longing for the hugs with those tiny hands.As I'm still very much attached to my earthly belongings, I try to shrug it off with a philosophical resignation, for, I too did the same during my youth when I brought my wife and kids to my place of work. It's a natural process as we have seen how the tiny bird grows stronger on the food brought by the mother and flies away when the time is ripe for it to leave. It;s happening in our lives too. Think like that and you won't feel traumatic.

My feelings about worship

Hi folks!



If anyone has read one of my earlier blogs, they can recollect my fondness for the great Bhagavat Gita. It is my endeavour to adopt a life style as deemed to be fit as it has been elucidated in the holy book. Many a time I fail dismally even to achieve the basic of the basic necessity as envisaged, especially to control the senses. I'm fully aware of my shortcomings, my blemishes, my failings and my total ignorance. I don't qualify for a life depicted by the Lord himself, not even by a lightyear, but He doesn't say people like me should desist from such attempts. And that encourages me to continue with my attempts. I don't wish for the final result because, according to Gita, one can only act; never think about the outcome.

Studying Gita has been an experience of pure bliss. It has exploded all my beliefs and myths about worship and rituals sky high. Of these, the first and foremost my concept about God himself. Earlier I visited temples of our various Gods and goddesses, some of them regional, local pertaining to some villages alone, and I also believed in holy men and women. Even now I visit temples because it is more a way of life for an average Hindu, but I also understand what I'm doing is against the teachings of Gita. The great Sage Vyasa has mentioned in the book about the omnipresence of God as against what another great Sage Sri AdiShankara has depicted. While it is difficult to confine God within the four walls of temples and puja rooms of palatial houses, Adisankara not only gave forms for God and sang hymns about Him/ Her! Just read his apolgy to the Almighty before he ascended to heaven: '' Lord, pardon my three sins. I have, in contemplation clothed in form Thou who art formless; I have in praise described Thee who art inaffable, and in visiting temples I have ignored Thine omnipresence''. Today, the first lesson I'm trying to learn is about His omnipresence and to think that He is always there with this sinner that is me, wherever I go, whatever I do. It is not at all easy to perceive that change, so I am trying.

When you read Bhaktiyoga, you can observe that nowhere in this chapter the Lord has described the ways to worship though we practise them in about may be, a thousand different ways! Nowhere it has been mentioned the 'thantras' or 'mantras' as they are chanted now. Nowhere it has been said that the more money you deposit in a temple 'hoondi' the blessings will be couriered to you. I was often a mute witness of how Suma, my wife, frantically searches for coins to put in the hoondi. It is also a common sight to offer money to the temle elephant and get its 'blessing' .We don't realize the money goes to a country liquor shop in the evening, and probably the poor elephant left starving! Instead if only we give some food for that animal, the God would be surely pleased! We have millions of such meaningless customs and rituals which we practise with the fervent hope that god will shower all His blessings on us and not others. One saddening feature is how we put our babies into untold miseries and agony, just because we (the parents or grandparents) make a vow and subject the poor babies to all sorts of discomforts. Temples like Guruvayur are always crowded and hot. A baby of 4to 6 months, is terrified at the noise and literally roasted in the heat, with the result they scream to get them out of the suffocating atmosphere. If they don't scream it's because they are mortally scared of this strange people all around them.We have people there to make them sit for 'thulabharam' make them lie, pose for photos.. but why? Young kids are divinity embodied. Just look into their eyes- it's all writ there. The God while being sympathetic to the children, will certainly be very angry with us, as we are responsible for this cruelty!



I know of the consequences of this blog if read by fiercely orthodox Hindus who might issue a 'fatwa' against me! But this is the fact if you follow Gita. When you offer a 'vazhipadu' the Lord or a 'homam' do it for only for the God and do not hope to get something in return from Him. In short, according to Gita sacrifices have to be made without a bargain. Do we do that? We bargain for anything and we don't exempt Gods and temples!



Sri Aurobindo while explaining about sacrifice in the chapter 'Karmayoga' says: ''....But the highest only comes when the sacrifice is no longer to any gods, but to the one all-pervading Divine established in the sacrifice, of whom the gods are inferior forms and powers....''

The most important and difficult part of our quest is to identify the Divine you in yourself or the 'self'' itself.

This quest will take years or perhps a lifetime to achieve its objective but it is the trials and tribulations in its path that make it an endearing goal.



Interpretations on Gita are varied but they all give one advice: we needn't have any middleman to lead us to God. Many holy men are unholy and the pujaris of temples find the temples a superb source of income. To get a posting in Sabarimala or Guruvayur, the aspirants spend a lot of money which reminds me of the sales-tax personnel spending huge amount to get a posting in some most lucrative checkposts of the state! There are very pious among these people who are really holy in mind and body, but they are surrounded by a coterie which nullifies everything that's pure about them.



People were far more intelligent during the Vedic period of our history at least it appears to me because they didn't believe in idol worship. they didn't have so many gods and goddesses like we have. They worshipped only the nature which is sensible. That amounts to accepting the omnipresence of Almighty.



I'm not against going to temples or worshipping to any God of your choice. We mustn't bargain in the process. Bhakti is not going into a trance or shouting god's name or weeping looking at the idol-all these are emotonal. Real bhakti is dedication, and complete devotion to a shapeless, formless, God who is present among us, within us. To identify that God in ourselves or the true 'self', we have to start from the basics about which I mentioned in the beginning.



Shun anger.

Dump your ego.

Serve without waiting for gratitude.

Do the work; don't expect the fruits of your labour- ( very difficult but worth trying.) If you get rid of your ego half of the battle won.



This is only to start with. I've just started.

I am trying to put away my lethargy when some great news appear on channels and newspapers that inspires me. One such news is from none other than the 'prince' Rahul Gandhi. In an interaction with the students of Pondicherry University, he very boldly and categorically stated '' there is no democratic political party in India and people without a friend or relative in politics do not stand a chance of entering the political system''. He has highlighted the rot that is creeping into the political body that will soon engulf the political system of our country. Either the dad or mom find it convenient to give a lift for their ward or the son or daughter seeking a place in the vast political arena, finds it easier to jump into the bandwagon by piggyriding on mom or dad. This clearly shows the political bankruptcy the country is facing which makes it a fertile land for extremist idiologies. This is a terrible situation and it is only natural that Rahul mentioned it during his talks with the students.
While giving due credit to Rahul for his very bold observation, in retrospection, one would wonder how Rahul Gandhi propelled himself into the politcal scene. Having said that, one can only hope that Rahul may become instrumental to select and groom good, efficient, knowledgeable and well qualified people to lead this vast country.

We can go through the other news only with dejection and dismay. Mumbai is the commercial capital of India where millions of people earn their livelihood. To claim that Mumbai belongs only to Marathis is prepostrous. It is parochial chauvanism. No place in the whole country belongs to any single community or region. We're Indians and we can live whereever we want. No one can question us. Mumbaites themselves should see such unwanted claims are disowned and the perpetrators of such crimes are isolated.

Two days ago, during one of the several bus strikes we Keralites are facing, I gave a lift to one of the students waiting for a bus which would never come. The boy a 12 th std student, was carrying a big backpack containing his books and another one with his lunchbox and project work materials. He was much relieved when I offered him to drop him near his house.
We started conversation and I casually asked about his studies, probably just like any other parent would d0. He told me that he wasn't happy with his grades falling after every exam and his dad who was an NRI, was furious as well. I enquired if he has ever given any thought why he couldn't score better marks. I didn't have to wait for a reply. He just didn't like maths and any course associated with that subject. I asked him why did he chose a subject he hated. ( he had chosen first group) He informed me it was because his dad pressurised him to take first group to chart a course in engineering. He was more interested in visual arts as he was a good artist, singer and an actor. He wanted to go into advertising and short film making about which he was very passionately talking.
That incident set me thinking. Why do we parents coerce our children to study a subject which they're not interested in? Is it a status symbol to make our children an engineer or a doctor? Parents often commit the mistake of comparing our children with others. I have done it myself. Only now Ifeel how stupid it is to wish one's offsprings to try to usurp the personality of another thus losing their own individuality. Clearly, it kills the natural instincts in them. Every student cannot become a brilliant engineer or an expert doctor or a great scientist. They must pursue the vocation of their choice and liking and become successful in their careers.
Venkataraman Ramakrishnan was very reluctant to address meetings in India because he knew the type of questions he'd face. In one of the intractive sessions in Mumbai he was asked by a student (persumably coaxed by his parent) what he should do to become a nobel prize winner. I reproduce below what the great scientist said: ' That is a sure way to fail. You go into science to solve a problem, not to find ingredients of success'. This should serve as an eye-opener to parents and teachers.

2009 is coming to a close.

Hi friends!
As any other year, 2009 also had its share of good and bad for each one of us personally and the country and the world as a whole. For the first time in history, an Afro-American sworn in as USA's 45th President ( I hope Igot it right!). The world is looking hope fully at the changing equations of military might, war and peace, and monitary power that once the US was. The global meltdown left all the western economic super powers gasping while emerging economies like China and India withstood stoically and came out even successfully achieving exceptionally good growth. The world leaders could arrive at a decision to reduce carbon emissions albeit much to the dissatisfaction of developing countries because it wasn't upto what they had expected. All the same, it was a welcome agreement because now the world can hope for something for its future generations. That was an agreement that was elluding all these years from Kyoto meeting.

That much internationally. But can we claim so much about our country and its administrators? Here is a case long forgotten by its perpetrators and by people except in the minds of the affected families where it was remaining like a cinder which started smouldering the moment the villain former DGP Rathore got a token punishment of 6 months imprisonment and a modest Rs 1000/ as fine for raping a minor girl of 14 and driving her to her eventual death by suicide and harassing her family! Ruchika's (the girl who was raped and later committed suicide) friend Aradhana and her family get the credit for making CBI to rake up the issue once again and got Rathore a punishment .
Another worst scnario was waiting down south in Andhra. The 86 year old governor decided to indulge in an orgy with 3 young women in Raj Bhavan. The whole lurid episode was video taped and was shown in Telugu channels much to the discomfiture of the leaders sitting in Delhi. This was a part of a revenge of a woman who didn't get the mining rights in Andhra as promised by the Gov.Tiwari. What would have happened if he had complied? Tiwari would be going ahead with his sexual escapades in Raj Bhavan!

While we pat our own backs for the progress we have made in all the fronts, what do we have to say about this depravity?
A Ruchika comes to light once in a blue moon. But how many Ruchikas would have been made to sleep with influential men like Rathore? How many of them might have committed suicide? How many would have carried illegimate pregnancies and delivered bastards? how many would have turned to lead a life of a prostitute? Why? Why is that the sufferers continue suffering and corrupt go scot free? Where is our righteousness? Why don't we rebel against this injustice? We have all the time and energy to fight and damage properties worth millions for rather far trivial causes but no one questions this moral degradation. We turn a blind eye at these corrupt bureaucrats' indulgence. I read the blog of my neice who expressed her shock at an incident involving the motorcade of PrimeMinister when a kidney patient who was critically ill died because the security people didn't allow him to cross the road and reach the hospital. Such was her indignation that I felt if we have a thousand of her type, we can try changing the attitude of our politicians. The unholy nexus of police-politician, bureaucracy and politician has reached its zenith and it has started undermining all that was pious and moral this country has stood for and fought for.

I think our archaic laws give more opportunity for the criminals to escape conviction than bring them to justice. The politicians assets grow several fold after every election and they are confident they can buy anything and anybody including the judges. We saw what the Karnataka highcourt chiefjustice Dinakaran did. And now there is a section who claim that the whole thing was fabricated because he is a Dalit Christian! The rich and the privileged escape and the poor is destined to suffer. It is time we rise against this oppression.

Let's hope the New Year will bring some consolation for the suffering humanity. I take this opportunity to wish the readers of this blog ( IF there are any!) A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A young Egyptologist!

Ashwin! I thought about that boy the other day when I met his grand mother. I came to know that the bright lad is in the first year of his engineering course.
The summer of 2003, Paris.
Suma and I was on our 1st European trip. We had that amazing rail journey through the euro tunnel under the English Channel. We were met in the railway station of Paris Nord by Narayanan who was the technical attache at the Indian Embassy. We reached Paris at lunch and in the afternoon we went out to see the boulevards of Paris where the history slept. Our guide was Ashwin!
I was the least impressed by the boy who opted to be our guide and, to some extent I was disappointed with our hosts. Narayanan was a busy person and that day Sheeba was also engaged . But all my apprehensions were dispelled within a few minutes of his introduction of the great Eiffel Tower.
A sail through the placid waters of the famous river Seine which cuts the city virtually half, was exhilerating. The boat ride touched some of the important land marks of Paris. Ashwin waxed eloquently about French Revolution and the part played by Rousseau. Not to be cowed down by a boy of 12, I tried to show off a bit of history myself. But when he started his 'lecture' on Pharoahs, I learnt that my knowledge was woefully inadequate! Such was his description of the great King Tutankhamun, the Pharoah of the 18th dynasty who ruled Egypt between 1358-1340 B.C. by Ashwin that made me stand spellbound!

The only time I found him a bit fumbling was when we visited Louvre. Quite understandably, the boy wouldn't have been so well versed with the famous painters. Still, he was well informed for his age.
It just occured to me when I thought about him a couple of days ago and when I came to know that he is an engineering student, I felt he will go afar in his career. He radiates intellectual brilliance. I wish him all the very best.

The deer fighting for its life!

Today's Times Of India published a stunning report of the amazing will to survive of a Sambar in the forests of Tadoba An dhari tiger reserve. The deer thwarted all the attempts of its more powerful and ferocious hunters for a full 24 hours before it surrendered to its fate. It jumped into a shallow lake to ward off the attackers in land only to be caught by two lurking crocodiles. It fought off the crocs, but the injured and exhausted animal fell ultimately prey to its hunters who were waiting patiently in the grass. A battle for survival which lasted nearly 24 hours!
There are many such heroics in human lives too, when a terminally sick person delays the inevitable just being brave armed only with sheer will power. He or she may, ultimately, be felled by the dreadful disease, but not before the patient puts up a great fight.

But there are incidents when misfortunes cascade into the lives of a hapless human being. I recall one such case which was revealed to me during the reunion which took place recently, of our Maharaja's college 1959-62 batch classmates. One of our classmates who was not well off financially when she was a student manage to get a decent job after her studies and also got married to a govt servant. They had two bright boys as sons and life was smoothly going on. Then the first tragedy struck. Her husband dies, I presume in an accident. Somehow, she and her sons managed to get a hold of their lives but then the second and more agonising one strikes- both of her grown-up sons die one after the other within a short span, of diseases the doctors couldn't diagnose yet!
That lady, in her late sixties, already looking like a woman in her 80s, tearfully pleaded us to exclude her from the event. We tried to persuade her telling her to come and meet all of us who'd share her sorrows and, maybe, can give a moral support. She seemed to be a person bereft of all will to survive, eagerly awaiting for the moment to join her family in heaven. We gave up our efforts and returned while all along a pall of gloom persisted around us. Everyone has or had his share of misfortunes in life, but this is one such case of the unlucky sambar.....